09:43

All is packed and ready to go.

Awaiting.

There’s no point in leaving right now due to the coronavirus.

As long as the borders stay closed, it’s better to wait.

Besides, impressions of guilt and fear still hold a ferm grip.

Guilt towards the children because I’m leaving, fear of myself.

A crushing weight of failing.

To complex to explain.

I’m totally blocked and MUST leave. NEED to leave. Can’t go on like this. Slipping. Sliding away. And I despise it. Despise myself.

There’s no energy left to continue fighting myself and staying here is no longer an option.

Yet somewhere, some hope still lingers on a possibility of returning. And the  strength to hold on to that thought.

¿ © MMXX

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